I wore distrust feeling like I had no other option. You see, at a very young age I was molested on multiple occasions. My innocence was taken away before I even knew what it was.
At the age of 8, my 3 year old brother was poisoned and killed. He was not even given a chance to start school. Months later, my parents got divorced because my mom got pregnant for someone else and my dad got remarried 2-3 months after.
Not only did he get remarried, but he married secretly to a woman I never got introduced too and brought me to live with them after.
I was brought to the US leaving my father behind and having to not only move to a state I was not familiar with, but getting to know a family I never knew of.
Years later I was sent away to live with my aunt because they couldn’t put up with me.
In the midst of it all, I was betrayed, hurt and disappointed. I had to come to a decision where I no longer wanted to be the victim.
All of this left a void in me. I felt unloved and not cared for.
I felt like I didn’t matter.
I thought it was my fault.
I thought maybe something was wrong with me. Then, I got tired of hurting alone. I realized I had a choice. I could either let these people control me with their actions or be free from what they did to me. I realized that hurt people hurt people.
I could never love or trust anyone else, until I loved and trusted myself.
I could not expect to receive what I was not giving to me. I decided to use it all as a fuel to excel in school. Where they say I wouldn’t make it, I strived to do so. I then understood that life is full of naysayers and what I choose to believe is up to me.
Thank God! I had a religious background that taught me Jesus loved me. I knew if I couldn’t count on anyone else, I could count on him. Nothing I did filled the void I had on the inside of me. So, I decided to turn to God, in hope of this void being filled.
I did it hoping he would love and accept me. To my surprise he did and he took away the garment of distrust and gave me hope and love. Through his word, I started valuing me.
Now I wear peace, hope and love.
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